i used to be a really smart kid who was “going places” but now i just cry a lot and eat all the food in the fridge
occupation: struggling tumblr comedian
ive seen things
how many things?
One time I heard my boyfriend had sex with another girl. So I called and asked him about it and he denied it, so I called the girl and she denied it too, and then I called my boyfriend back and told him that the girl had told me everything and he replied with “it was just one time. It meant nothing.” And then I replied with “fuck you, she didn’t tell me anything.” And that’s still my favorite story to tell.
why hasn’t anyone offered my parents 5 camels for my hand in marriage yet what am i doing wrong
its because you are worth at least 10 camels and they just cant afford you
this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me
people whose tagged/me is made entirely of sassy posts instead of actual selfies